and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
