His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
