Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
