if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
