We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
