so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
