i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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