Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
