At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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