i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
