I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
