A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
