Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
