I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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