I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So drunk its hurt
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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