i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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