We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She's the barista slut.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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