Moan for me like Helen Keller
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
