we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
