i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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