how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
