I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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