I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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