he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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