My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
