we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
