you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
