My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
