And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
