my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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