I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i think im in europe. pls send help
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
