His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
