I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
