On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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