I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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