i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
