I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
