He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize