I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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