I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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