Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
