Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
