i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
