I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She even gives head with a lisp.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
