sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
