It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
