the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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