i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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