We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
