They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
