Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
