why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
