who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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