u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
