i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
