it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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