Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
