I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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