Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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