I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
