CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
