I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
