I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
