Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
