Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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