I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he was CRYING into my vagina
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Shame - the story of my life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
