don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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