You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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