considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
