Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
