Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize