I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
being pregnant is like rehab
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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