We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
