are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
