Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
