He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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