Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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