im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
