Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm sobbing to NWA
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The adults are the big ones right?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
