They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize