Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
