I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
